


Broken At The Seams

by levicas



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 12:26:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2772965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levicas/pseuds/levicas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kieren hadn't expected coming out would be like this. He'd expected it would be more...planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken At The Seams

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Bill Macy is a dick. But you already knew that.

The sound of Bill's knuckles hitting the front door sent bile lurching through Kieren's stomach. Or maybe it was the greasy hand on the back of his neck; either way he felt sick. He kept telling himself he'd done nothing wrong, but it wouldn't matter one bit what he thought if his parents were disgusted. And why wouldn't they be? Everyone else was - even Rick. And that was saying something.

It was Jem who answered the door - barely eleven, she was short, skinny and the bold raccoon eyeliner was stark against her pale skin. She never made a sound when she walked, not one. Her expression upon seeing them was somewhere between concerned, confused and completely disinterested. Although Kieren suspected the latter was part of her most recent facade brought on by hours of listening to Linkin Park. Not frightened, though, she was nothing if not brave, and she'd never gotten on Bill's bad side - she had no reason to be frightened of him.

Kieren wasn't frightened either. 

_He wasn't._

"Jem, love, who is it?" Sue called from inside the house. The sound of her voice made Kieren shiver for some reason.

"Er, Bill. And--"

"Invite him in, then, I'll put the kettle on."

"Yeah, sweetheart," Bill growled, "Invite us in."

Jem's eyes narrowed at his threatening tone, and she glared viciously at him as she stepped aside and allowed him to pass through the foyer, pulling Kieren along by the scruff of his neck. Kieren kept his mouth shut, his eyes on the floor and focussed all his attention on not falling over as Bill inelegantly dragged him into the living room.

"Evening, Bill," Sue said, smiling warmly with two cups of tea in hand. "No sugar?"

"Can't stay for tea, I'm afraid," he snarled, dropping his hand from Kieren's neck in favour of prodding him forwards into the centre of the lounge. Jem scurried silently in behind them, and took the mugs from Sue's hands and quickly disappeared into the kitchen. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Your boy," Bill spat, "I don't want him in my house again, d'ya hear?"

"Bill-- Why? What's he done?"

Kieren could hear Bill's knuckles crack and he instinctively flinched. 

Nothing had even happened! Apart from the stolen lagers they'd been drinking in the Macy's back garden. They'd been laughing, talking, singing along to the songs on Kieren's MP3 player. All the things that friends do. Until, suddenly it was more. A stupid move on Kieren's part, and he shouldn't have done it. 

But Rick hadn't minded. Stared at him with wide, terrified eyes, yes - but he hadn't disliked Kieren's lips on his.

What he'd disliked was that his dad saw.

" _My_ son ain't queer!" Bill yelled. Kieren's hands were shaking, and he refused - refused to lift his eyes from the floor. Couldn't look his mother in the eye, too afraid of what he'd see.

"Hold on, now, Bill--"

"I won't have your lad comin' round corrupting the good, proper folk!" he shouted, so loud that it rang against Kieren's ear drums. "Fix it!" He prodded Kieren once more for good measure, and the next sound he heard was the slamming of the front door as Bill, none too politely, saw himself out.

He stood like a statue, wringing his hands together to try and hide their quivering, examining the rings on the coffee table. They should really buy some more coasters before there were too many stains.

"Kier," she said.

He didn't stay to find out what else she'd say.

* * *

Of all the times he'd thought of himself as wrong, this was by far the worst. Rage was pulsing through his veins like hot lava, and there was nothing he could do to control it. Why couldn't he just be like everybody else? It would be so much easier--

He dragged his fingernails up the length of his forearm, revelling in the pain that blossomed there.

He was different enough as it was, he didn't need this on top of everything else. Didn't need Bill Macy telling everyone he was -- y'know. _Because he wasn't._ And what if he banned Rick from being his friend any longer? He had no one else.

There was only Rick. 

 _You're pathetic,_ his mind told him as he flopped down onto his bed and hid himself beneath layers of duvet. He buried his head into his pillowcase and screamed.

"Kier?" 

His body stiffened. 

"Yeah, Mum?" he mumbled, loathing the way his voice shook with the words. He shouldn't be afraid, shouldn't be weak.

"Dad's home," she said cautiously. 

That meant they'd talked - she must have told him. He didn't know why he thought she'd keep it to herself. It wouldn't be long until the entire village new.

"D'you wanna talk?"

He didn't. But he could hardly say that to her, so instead he stayed silent.

A few seconds later he felt the bed dip as she sat down beside him.

"Do you want to tell me what happened at Rick's?"

He didn't respond, didn't breathe. Maybe if he was still and silent enough he'd just disappear.

"Y'know, your Dad was gonna go round there. Give Bill a piece of his mind for barging in like that."

Kieren couldn't help but chuckle at the mental image, despite himself.

"Jem's keeping an eye on him. At least we've got her to make sure no one does anything reckless."

It was quiet for a few moments, Kieren's ragged breathing the only sound to be heard. The silence invaded his ears, pressure building up until, eventually, he couldn't stand it any more.

"Aren't you going to tell me off?" he whispered into the pillowcase.

"I can't really do that if I have no idea what's going on." Kieren smiled slightly. He supposed Bill hadn't been particularly articulate with his accusations. "Besides, I'm not certain you've even done anything wrong. But I won't know until you tell me." She placed a tentative hand on his shoulder blade and began rubbing delicate circles. 

How could he possibly tell her what had happened? He'd done plenty of bad things before. Gone out drinking with Rick, stayed out until way too late with Rick, not done any homework apart from art for months on end. Gotten several detentions - with Rick. Blasted his music way too loud in the early hours of the morning. Smashed Ken and Maggie's patio door - that had been an accident, though.

But all of that was petty, hardly meaningful in the grand scheme of things.

This was different. This was real, and not something he could escape from.

How could he admit to something without really knowing what it was? If he had more time, maybe, to figure everything out. It would be easier then. He could prepare himself. It was too early...to tell his family what he was - or rather, what he thought he was.

"I made a mixed CD - for Rick. Like the one for Jem."

She didn't say a word.

"And...I kissed him," he breathed, part of him hoping she wouldn't hear.

"What?" The hand on his shoulder blade stilled. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"M'sorry. I didn't mean to--"

"Kieren," she said firmly. "Look at me."

He slowly raised his head, surprised to find that his eyes were damp and glistening. He couldn't have met her eyes if he'd wanted to.

"Why did you kiss him, love?"

He flinched, it wasn't right - he could hardly bare to hear it said out loud. He didn't exactly regret it, and he was sure Rick didn't either but...

He couldn't say it.

"I...I think," he stuttered, "I think I might, might be..."

His lower lip began to tremble as moisture began to leak from his eyes.

"Please don't make me say it," he whispered.

"Oh, Kier," Sue said, grasping him in a tight hug. It constricted his breathing, but he didn't care. "It's okay," she said.

And for some reason, he believed her.

 


End file.
